Where the heck have I been?!

Okay, so maybe I'm not so great at this whole blogging thing!!! I am so sorry I haven't updated all of you for such a long time. If nothing else, this certainly should validate to everyone that it isn't just YOU that I've always been terrible about returning emails/phone calls!!! Just ask my mom how many nights she's spent in her life waiting for me to call her when I get home, just to let her know I made it safe! SORRY!!!!!!

Okay, let me give you the run-down. It suddenly dawns on me that I should read my last entry before starting the new one to try avoid repeating and/or forgetting info...well, welcome to my world because chemobrain is all about forgetting stuff and acting like your grandfather repeating the same story 50 times!!!

I have now done two rounds of ICE chemotherapy. I finished the second one last week, with minimal "down time". I was really out of commission until about Sunday, when I kind of felt like I began driving myself out of the dense pea-soup fog that is my brain. I feel good enough, in fact, that I decided to return to work today, and hopefully I plan to finish out the week and work all of next week. Yay me!! Of course, I had my lovely 2 hour meeting with the Social Security Department on Monday. I was able to shave one hour off that meeting due to already having gone over--in painfully minute and elaborate details--of EVERY JOB I HAVE EVER HELD IN MY LIFETIME!!!!!!!!! So, I was thankful for that! Naturally, they can't tell me anything at the end of my meeting regarding my "chances" for being approved, but I will say I will be completely dumbfounded if I am not. I guess I'll find out in a mere four months!

Backing up to (almost) two weeks ago--the weekend immediately before my second round of ICE--Scott and I went on our canoeing/camping trip. What to say about that....hhmm, I had a really good time, but I will likely never go again! We had a good time with our friends who were so kind as to invite us. However, Scott and I had never been canoeing, and we were all led to believe we would have a much more relaxing time than it turned out to be!! I believe the distance was 31 miles, and we were fighting winds (which caused significant white caps on the river) for a good majority of it! Some tears were shed, some tempers were lost, but I am proud to say I did succeed in rowing a majority of the way. Scott and I needed help from time to time, and I simply ran out of energy with probably 1 1/2 miles to go, but I definitely found out how to tap into my inner strength! Even though it was not the ideal "getaway" I was hoping for, this trip was very significant to me. It taught me a great deal about myself and my relationships with others, discover strength I never knew I possessed, allowed us to reconnect with some good friends, and gave Scott and I a chance to think about something other than cancer! I wouldn't have traded it for anything, so thank you so much Tawyna and Adam! (Just don't call about doing that again or Scott may file for divorce!!)

Okay, enough for my introspective moment: here's the skinny on upcoming events! I go back to Omaha on September 10th to do bloodwork, PET scan and CT (of only my head and neck--no barium sludge to drink--YIPPEE!!!!!!!!). On the 11th, I meet with my oncologist (10:40am, CST if anyone wants to send good thoughts then!) to find out if I am in remission. If I am not, I will go into my third round of ICE, then determine if remission has been achieved. If I am in remission, I will then proceed to the transplant portion of this double-feature (triple feature, if you count radiation!). I will update in more detail on that when I know more, but basically it follows like this: several days of Neupogen shots to "pump up" my white blood cell counts; one to several days of being hooked up to an apheresis machine to "harvest" my bone marrow (I believe I need a minimum of 5 million to be "successful", which can take several days but I'm shooting for ONE--any bets?!). All of that is done on an out-patient basis, but the next part is when I start my long hospital stay.

Shortly after harvesting my stem cells, I go into the hospital for 6 days of high dose chemo called BEAM, given twice a day. We start counting with -6 and count forward--Day 0 is the day I get my stem cells back and we count the first 100 days as the most crucial. I will stay in the hospital for 3-5 weeks, all depending on how well my immune system bounces back so I don't die when a child sneezes on me! (I'm only half joking about that!!) The good news is that I learned during my last round of chemo that, assuming my children are healthy, they will allow them to visit me occasionally if I feel up to it!!!! YAY! That was good for my soul to hear, although I have purchased two web-cams to try being technologically advances with my pre-schoolers! Scott does not have much vacation time, so when I know when I will officially be in the hospital, I will be welcoming visitors. I know I would appreciate it, and Scott would be more "at ease" being at work if he knows I am not completely lonely.

Okay, I really feel like I've rambled on forever here. Guess that's what I get for waiting three weeks to update everyone! Scott and kids are doing pretty well. Both boys are officially in pre-school now and seem to love it! My mom has become my live-in nanny and tends to scrub bathrooms too, so you can't beat that!!! Having mom around has made things SO much easier, so thank you so much!!!!! (Her name is Terri, so you know who she is when she posts comments here!)

Okay, really gotta run now!!!!! Love to all!!!!!!