You know, when I first decided to start writing about my cancer journey for the entire world to read, I did it mostly for the selfish reason of not wanting to write personal emails to people. I knew the SCT would be extremely exhausting, and I would need to focus all my energy on fighting the disease within me. Answering emails, although that level of contact was deeply personal in nature, was VERY exhausting. Most of the time, I could not remember whether I had replied to people or not. I'm sure I forgot MANY people, and for that I am very sorry. When I relapsed, I knew I would not have any chance of keeping in touch with people personally--and the blog was developed. And you were all invited to come here, read about my experiences, and write comments.
This may seem really dumb, but it had not occurred to me that OTHER people would be reading this blog as well. Stumbling across it by accident, being referred to it by someone I know from family, friends, work, my past. I really didn't think about it at all!! Why that never occurred to me, I may never know! (Gee, maybe I was a bit preoccupied with having CANCER!!!!)
Anyway, you know when I finally realized it~~~tonight!!! Yep, just tonight, when I read the latest comment on my blog. It wasn't signed by anyone, but obviously left by someone who is more than a passerby. Whoever wrote it is someone who knows or knew me at one time, and yet--for whatever reason--did not say who he/she was. I have my ideas of who you might be, but no "hard evidence." It's okay, but it's weird....I have never written anything here that I regret, am ashamed of, or anything like that. In fact, I sincerely hope my experiences are informative, personal, honest re: the trials of dealing with cancer, or simply provide comfort to others. If, by some aweful chance, I don't end up beating this disease, I hope my children read it and are proud of how their mom fought. If I DO beast this beast, I still want my children to know their mom's struggles. I've never liked being in the spotlight. I'm much more comfortable being in the background, keeping to myself. But here I am, for the whole world to read and write anything they want. You get to be anonymous, and in "chemocranky's corner", I am in the spotlight.
Wow, I know I'm rambling horribly now! This is what happens when I am overtired, and I'm waiting to go to bed because my children haven't fallen asleep yet! I made a promise to myself that I would never edit my posts. I would write whatever I needed to write, and post it, unchanged. That is my therapy....being as honest or scatterbrained or happy, sad, mad, or scared as I need to be while writing in this blog. Welcome to my therapy sessions!
P.S. See what happens when you don't sign your name to your comment!!
Love and health to all!
me
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8 comments:
Well, it's surprising to see another comment left from you--again with no name...
You know me, yet you don't let me know who you are--interesting. Answer this--is your son a fan of Winnie-the-Pooh also?
Hi Skye, just stop to see how things are going. I see you have a game going on with anonymous. that will keep your brain working over time. it looks like a game of tag and anonymous is it. I have a few names that come to mind but I'll keep that to myself. you know me I'm wrong most of the time. Just wanted to let you know dad and I are thinking of you. I have the time off from work so if the weather is ok I'll be down to watch the kids for you. Take care and we will talk to you later.
Love always Mom and Dad
Hi Skye - sorry to jump in on this thread of 'tag', but had to say how similar your reasons are to Wullie's for writing your blog, although his was primarily for himself.....as unpleasant as it might have got, he didn't want to forget a second of what he was going through, but the kiddie reason was a huge factor too!
Sometimes selfish acts can do a lot of good - we know that Wullie's blog has helped a lot of complete strangers who have stumbled across his blog, and I'm sure the same goes for yours!............xx
This is certainly turning into a weird thread of conversation!
Well, "anonymous", life is too short to not make the most of it. Holding grudges and leaving things unsaid--that is not the path I choose to follow at this point in my life.
So, if you'd like to continue this conversation, my email is: www.chemocranky@gmail.com
Ha ha!
XO
I have really enjoyed reading your blog. My current task, on the list of many, is to network with those that have gone through or going through the same as I. I don't belong to any support groups, but I think there is power in people, and that power can make us stronger. I appreciate a lot of what you said and wish you the best of everything! I hope you don't mind if I link to your blog from my site. Take care in all you do!
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